Azrul’s Blog

Third day of spring..

 The warmest day of the year for now..eventhough still abit chilly(approx. 8 degrees C) its still warm enough for me at this time of the year.Very bright day, enough sunlight to penatrate(i always giggle everytime i use this word..hehe)through my curtains..Damn! i wanna sleep more!..better stop complaining or it will snow tonite..haha..

Cant believe im leaving for home(malaysia tht is) in about a week or so.Well..im looking at the weather report back home…sounds really hot!..34 degrees! wht the fuck!..damn! maybe they will allow me to run topless on the street..haha..dont u think so?(or do u wish for?)..i do hope i will enjoy my break at home before i come back…need to have some fun!..ive been studying too hard(or tht i think so)..for some reason deep in my heart..i can smell disaster is about to happen..well fuck it..im not losing the game anymore.

 Im off now..got another hour on international law(why do people study such things is still a mystery to me)..its thursday..another weekend is coming!..cheers mates!

Its the first monday of me being-so-out-of control-of-things around me!, everything is slipping out of my hands like a block of soap (and my hands are really really wet).damn!..need to do more work…more..more…more!..no time to write my blog no more..fuck!…stupid parties!(i shouldnt say tht though..haha..)

My new obsession…my black felt hat.

 

I have no idea how i still managed to party on tuesday nite with a 9 o’clock on wednesday!,,anyway,,happy birthday eve!..love ya!

Magna carta rewriten!..hehehe

The birthday girl!,,and me of course!

These couple of days i have alot of anger channeling through my veins..its fucking indescribable.. it came to me in Blake’s words.. finally!..yes! Im fucking angry!..Im planting my tree..n watering it with my wrath!

A POISON TREE

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water’d it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine, -

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil’d the pole,
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch’d beneath the tree.

                                                        (William Blake-1757-1827)

Scruffy hair, a mug of moccha..my early spring misbehaviour!

  

 After few days of continuous hangover..i woke up this morning with the help of extra strong Paracentamol and Enrique on the stereo..IM fucking BACK!…haha,,,new semester gonna start next week,,,though im due to be in Rome this weekend…ive decided not to..Valetine’s day coming..few birthdays next month..IM SKINNED!
   
    No more parties(at least till this weekend,,lol)…the weather is not bad these days..though stil a bit cold, i think i can handle a walk in the woods watching beautiful people with lovely dogs and make friend with them…haha…u never know how lucky u can get these days..believe me..the bushes has its own stories..haha…
   
    Got a new habit…wearing hat(not a cap)..u know those hat that Usher always wear…yup..thats the one..feel blazing hot with maximum confidence burning inside me!..I am crazy when im super confident,,rejection is just a matter of not playing your game rightly..a fix on your words,,,things will flow like bubbly champange!..anway..im off to make myself some pancake and a mug cofee..a new days has not yet started..i wonder how much weight it carries today..hmm…i wonder…

Azrul 3 months before company law and international law exams

1. A sound person with an accurate definition(s) of the word ‘life’ and the word ‘fun’

Azrul 3 days before company law and international law exams


1. A love for legal knowledege at its highest level.
2. The word  ‘fun’ is very offensive.
3. The idea of the divinity of a higer being suddenly starting to surfaced.
4. A creature.
5. Veins filled with ‘Redbull’ and cofee.
6. Wondering why the library is warmer than usual.
7.Objection to any form of sexual intercourse.
8. Mirrors lie.
9. Two female hamsters almost die of hunger.
10. Overflow of Mozart and Vivaldi from the stereo
11. Ipod is a life-pod.
12. Your new guardian angel is called ‘time’ and He also Known as the devil.
13. Sleep is a torture.
14. Pain killer can help you to sleep
15. Library is your temple and the desk is your shrine and Harris international text book is your deity.
16. Water is the fountain of youth.
17. Housework is evil
18. Dressing code : T-shirt and jeans only allowed.
19. You have a pink jumper.
20. Shaving is an option.
21. The word ‘life’ resonanace with the word ‘pass’

I was stopped by a sociology student this morning on my way to law school(what are they doing in ‘our’ territory hah?).He asked me to fill in some stupid questionaires(a first year student, i can smell anxiety in the air).

Question no 23. What is/are your favourite thing(s)?

It stopped me. After 22 years of breathing cant i actually point out certain things that i consider to be my favourite things and disregard others(remind me of the song from the ’sound of music’ where Julie Andrews seemed to love everything in that movie..greedy bitch!).After more than 12 hours i came down with 4 things.

1. floating feathers

2.a silver covertable Porche Carrera GT

3.Marriage of Heaven and Hell-Blake

4.And this poem..got it from some movie it think(i found it in my collection after hours of browsing !) anyone know who wrote this?,,,but anyway this is a direct translation of it since its in malay…sorry for my mistranslation..coz its not easy ok?..haha.This no Blake neither Frost, the tone is sad and the words are powerful.One more thing this is a direct translation not an interpretation.

Ku lari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku,.
Ku lari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
Sepi..sepi dan sendiri aku benci
Ingin bingar aku mau di pasar..
Bosan aku dengan penat
Enyah saja kau pekat

Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri
i ran to the forest and there i sang

i ran to the beach and there i screamed,

lonely..lonely, how i hate this loneliness,

i miss the noise of the crowd

go away darkness

I am sick and tired

it is so dark when i am alone


Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Ada malaikat menyulam jaring labah-labah belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tidak kau goyangkan saja locengnya biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke hutan
Belok ke pantai..?
Why dont you break the glass so everyone can hear,

lets argue till we fight,

somewhere, there is an angel weaving the web of of a striped spider on the wall of the white temple,

why didnt you struck the bell and create commotion?

or should i run to the forest

and turn to the beach?

Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri
Im sick and tired,

go away darkness

it is so dark when i am alone.

look at the words…it still amazed me as i read through it again..

Its 1am im laying on bed…i just finished my last chapter for international law. Peterpan(a malay spoken-indonesian boy band) is on the stereo.

‘Dan mungkin bila nanti, kita kan ber temu lagi.’

’satu pintaku jangan kau cuba tanyakan kembali’


    once upon a time there was a boy, He was about 16 years old and he was lost. One day he met a group of people that has finally showed to him why life is worth living. Why it is fun when you quarrel with the teachers, misunderstood those who are good in maths and claim yourself to be good at something eventhough you have doubt in yourself. Every morning he will tell himself ‘God, if u ever take my friends away i will stop believing in u’ and God did, and I was the boy.
   
    Now im turning 22 anytime soon, listening to Peterpan on the stereo, every notes, every words pierce my heart and the pain is unbearable. Why have i decided to be this snobish english educated person? why do i always fail to put myself in your shoes?,, i really fuck things up this time. Yes i will pass my exam very well, yes i will get what i ever wanted here in england, but i miss u guys more than anything,
   
    Remember those nite when i stole my mum;s car in the middle of the nite and we went fo r a joy ride around town?…those cheap burgers by the side of the road?..and later we have a smoke by the side of the river talking about what we gonna be in the next 5 years, remeber our first gig together?..remember the choki-choki girl? remember the bootboys? remember the spin?,,our first drunken nite together? remember the big fight? remeber when i cried in the car?

    We are here now, but i have failed all of you, im sorry, im really sorry for losing myself to my books, im sorry for losing myself to my dreams, im sorry for being what i have become now, im really sorry but I have gone too far and i cant turn back anymore…

‘Dan mungkin bila nanti, kita kan ber temu lagi.’

’satu pintaku jangan kau cuba tanyakan kembali’